BLOG: Fishing conspiracy theories

I DON'T know who is watching or listening, but it seems as though "the Establishment" has tapped into my mind to uncover the trigger points which dampen any jovial spirit when on the water. Collective evil conspires against fisher folk with such delicate subtlety that it remains undetected by the masses but infuriates the angling fraternity.These patterns of coincidence all point to an elaborate conspiracy - the Greens, commercial fishing lobby and marine park pundits are all in on it, but there are other forces that need to be exposed...

Water taxi operators are also part of the Establishment, behind the facade of transport provision lives a group of saboteurs that take a deliberate deviation from course to travel through the middle of a school of surface feeding fish – is it merely chance that the path
taken by a water taxi often intercepts a small and isolated surface feeding frenzy? Think about it.

The local council is also part of the act – they collude with non-boating car drivers and weekend warriors. A regular sedan or hatchback can park in a valuable trailer parking spot on a busy weekend with apparent immunity, however, the moment I park my trailer illegally a small yellow envelope materialises beneath my wiper blades...

Fishing tackle manufacturers must be involved in some form of elaborate scheme to interfere with fishos' minds – have you ever tried to pick out a rod to cast at a foaming mass of fish only to find the rod is either tangled around another outfit or the reel throws a
horrendous bundle of knotted line deeming the cast useless? Is it merely coincidence that the amount of time required to sort out the mess is exactly the amount of time required for the fish to vanish?

The most elaborate of all conspiracy theories, however, lies with the "genetically altered" fish that have been released into our waterways to mock and ridicule those that chase them – I'm convinced there's a secret coalition of fish that swims amongst the general population...

How many times have you wished for a specific type of fresh bait or lure that was missing from your arsenal but would be likely to increase results dramatically? I recently encountered an extraordinary situation where a school of fish refused all generic offerings.  The mass of yellowtail kingfish mooching along the surface that fateful morning left me quivering. After throwing all manner of things into the melee without result I nervously pulled out the big guns; I was armed with a fly rod and some freshly caught garfish which caused my confidence meter to explode into positive territory. I don't really quite know what happened next but remember a feeling of emptiness and rejection as both the fly and garfish offerings went unnoticed. Fisho's Mick Fletoridis was out with me but I knew that no one would believe his recollection of the events either so I grabbed my camera and rattled off dozens of photographs – the accompanying shot provides rare evidence of at least one genetically altered kingfish poking its head out of the water in a disparaging show of defiance!

Yes there are pejorative overtones in what I'm suggesting, however, I can offer no other explanation other than to suggest that a concerted effort is being made to conspire against those that fish. Who is behind all of this and what do they want with us?